Summer 2004

Suffer The Little Children

By Judith Plano

The names in this article are not those of real clients. The facts have been taken from many different cases

Ed and Sara are fighting. First it is just ugly words. He calls her stupid and lazy because his work shirt is not clean, even though he would not give her the money to go to the laundromat. When she tries to defend herself, he pushes her up against the wall, grabs her by the hair and starts pounding her head against the wall. Neither of them is aware of Sean, hiding under the kitchen table, shaking and crying silently. He is four.

Two months later, Sara gets a call from Sean's day care. Sean has become withdrawn in the classroom and a bully on the playground. He does not want to take part in classroom activities. Instead, he goes to the building corner and makes high towers of blocks. Then he smashes them down. On the playground he grabs toys from the younger, smaller children, interferes with the games other children are playing and starts fights with the older boys. For everyone's safety, they have had to keep him inside with a teacher while the other children are outside.

Children should not be expected to adjust to living in a household where there is fear. Home should be the place of greatest love and security. But for children living with domestic violence, home becomes the place of greatest danger.

It is well documented that children who witness domestic violence are profoundly affected. Many experience posttraumatic stress disorder. Even a single exposure can be traumatizing. Children react as if the violence happened directly to them. The results can last a lifetime. The child is experiencing the intense trauma of family violence at the same time he or she is in the process of developing his or her own personality. Research has shown that changes can actually occur in the structure of the brain as a result of the body's chemical reaction to trauma. Research results have shown that family conflict has stronger negative effects on boys than girls. Children living in homes where there is domestic violence show more aggressive, acting-out behaviors and problems at home and at school than do children who live in families where there is relative harmony. Children who witness violence in the home often identify with the power and control of the abuser.

Although it seems contradictory, many women decide to stay in an abusive relationship because they feel that they and their children are safer within the relationship. On many levels this is true. The most dangerous period for victims of abuse and their children is immediately after separation. With their mother no longer there to protect them, children visiting a batterer are at risk of physical or sexual abuse, rigid authoritarian parenting, neglectful parenting, psychological abuse, abduction, and exposure to violence in their father's new relationships.

Once divorce is initiated it seems as if a new minefield opens up. Court ordered visitation makes it difficult if not impossible to avoid the batterer. Visitation becomes an occasion for the batterer to manipulate the children in order to maintain power and control over their mother. Court ordered mediation becomes a vehicle for the batterer to use intimidation to gain power and control over the outcome. Child support, or the lack of it, is also used as a means to continue control over the former partner.

In Maine the existence of domestic violence between the parties is one of the "best interest" factors that a judge must consider when determining an award of custody. While most judges in Maine still try to award joint parental rights and responsibilities (joint custody) it is vitally important that they understand that in cases where there is a history of domestic violence, joint custody hurts children. Children, caught in the middle of unresolved conflict, suffer long-term damage, psychologically and socially.

One way to get this information before the court is to have the court appoint a Guardian ad litem (GAL). A GAL represents the court in interviewing the children, the parties, health or mental health providers, teachers and others who know the family. The report they prepare for the court outlines their findings and the results of their research and advises the court about a ruling that would be in the best interests of the children. It is vitally important, however, that the GAL be well versed in the dynamics of domestic violence and its impact on children.

New York state is developing integrated courts where criminal, family and matrimonial matters are all heard in the same court by the same judge. Thus the same judge hears the domestic violence case, the criminal case that might result from the assault and the divorce or parental rights action. This provides a holistic approach. Maine Tribal Courts have been using this model since their inception. Tribal Court Judges often know the parties and the family's history. The hearing becomes less about efficiency, meaning disposing of the case quickly, and more about problem solving, protecting the procedural rights of the defendant while keeping the complainant and the children safe.